You're A Mean One, Mr Malfoy
by Mr. Cobrah Thunderer
Summary: Lucius Malfoy hates Christmas a whole lot, he's not going to change his mind, he's not. He has an epiphany when reading Dr. Seuss' classic character; The Grinch, he could steal Christmas instead, it'd be a cinch! This spoof, mostly in rhyme, details this horrid crime. Starring Lucius Malfoy as The Grinch, Dobby as Max, Fudge as The Mayor, and Tonks as Cindy Lou Who; circa 1982.
1. Wonderful, Awful Idea

Every man, woman, and child in The United Kingdom liked Christmas a lot…

But Lucius Malfoy, who lived just north of London, did NOT!

Lucius Malfoy _hated_ Christmas! The whole Christmas season! Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It _could_ be that his upbringing had left him unsympathetic to another's plight. It _could_ be that, perhaps, that his designer stiletto boots were on too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all may have been that his heart, unlike his hair, was two sizes too small.

But, whatever the reason, he cared not whether it left his more compassionate acquaintances befuddled, he stood there on Christmas Eve, _hating_ those Muggles, glaring out of the window in his study with a frown that looked as if it alone could end a life at the inviting Christmas tree set up in front of his garden, no doubt by his wife. The only other person who could perturbed by this merry sight, in fact, would be another Seuss creation, The Lifted Lorax.

He simply didn't understand why so many Witches and Wizards bothered, surely they had all been failed by their mothers and fathers. His own father, Abraxas, would certainly be at a loss, to see his beloved mansion covered in Christmas decorations would leave him more than cross. Lucius wished he could put a stop to the whole cursed thing, but alas, it was one of the things he had given up when he had put on that wedding ring.

For Narcissa Malfoy loved Christmas, she found the whole holiday quite pleasing, even when she reached adulthood she never truly stopped believing. In Lucius eyes, it truly was a shame, but by then Narcissa was still a child, she couldn't be blamed, THAT honor went to her sister, she-who-must-not-be-named. For peculiar reasons that could not be explained, unlike her Greek counterpart, Andromeda's dangerous ideas could not be chained.

However, contrary to popular belief, Lucius didn't actually dislike Andromeda despite her flaws, in earthier terms there was no beef. That distinct dishonor belonged to Bellatrix, if either of them had it their way they would have taken one another out by now but but no way, no how. For you see, Narcissa held them both to an Unbreakable Vow. He could be content to play a prank but he was sure that would fail. Besides, what could he do? She was in jail. There were plenty more snide remarks Lucius could throw the eldest Black Sister's way, but his feelings on his sisters-in-law were a story for another day.

Besides, women named after constellations was the last thing on his mind at the moment, Lucius' mind was taken up with his silent anger at this less-than-invisible opponent. For he knew every person with or without an ounce of magic within them was outside Malfoy Manor's walls, hanging up bright lights and colored balls.

"And they're hanging up their stockings!" he snarled with his trademark sneer.

"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his Pure-Blood fingers drumming, "I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"

For, tomorrow, he knew all the British, Scottish, Irish, and Welsh girls and boys would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys! And _then_! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! That's _one_ thing he hated! THE NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then all those saps, young and old, would sit down to a feast. And they'd feast! _And they'd feast!_ And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! They would feast on figgy pudding and bouillabaisse and green eggs and ham and sit around the fire and read excerpts from the holiday edition of _Fantastic Beasts_! Which was something Lucius couldn't stand in the least! He did not like green eggs and ham even in the cold of winter, no he didn't, Mr. Scam-I-Amander.

And THEN they'd do something he liked least of all! Every Witch, Wizard, Muggle, House-Elf, Goblin, Mermaid, Banshee, Leprechaun, Ghost, Vampire, Werewolf, Squib and child in The United Kingdom would bunch together in a cheery pile. And then all these people, the tall and the small, would stand together, with christmas bells ringing. They'd stand heart-to-heart, hand-in-hand. And they would start singing!

They'd sing! _And they'd sing!_ AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!

Oh, how Muggle music would force Lucius' teeth to grind thanks to those pop hits being played on rewind. Thanks to the efforts of two men who once called themself a Beatle, songs such as "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" by John Lennon and "Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney proved to be insipid treacle! "Christmas Alphabet" by The McGuire Sisters gave Lucius' ears blisters! At least he took some comfort that a great deal of people, even those he found somewhat cloying, found the sung version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" deeply, DEEPLY annoying.

But what truly infuriated Lucius was seeing his OWN KIND engage in performing such frivolous rubbish! These idiots truly needed to be promptly slapped with a cold fish. The Weird Sisters may be beloved performers, but in Lucius' book, releasing the track "Magic Works" alone made them a bunch of jerks. But this year alone caused Lucius a great deal of stress and pain, Celestina Warbeck's recently released Christmas album hit gold around the world, selling fifteen million alone Spain.

WERE PEOPLE INSANE!?

And the more Lucius thought of Muggles and Wizards putting aside their differences to stop and sing, the more Lucius thought;

" _I must stop this whole thing! Why, for twenty-eight years I've put up with it now! I MUST stop Christmas from coming!"_

" _...But HOW?"_

He turned from the window to observe a most unpleasant sight, his two year-old son sleeping peacefully in his crib beside the window, wearing merry red-and-green tights. No son of his should have to be forced to endure the same injustice Lucius had all these years, be plagued with the same fears!

Nineteen Eighty-One had been one of the worst years of Lucius' life by far, and Nineteen Eighty-Two had done little to raise the bar. With The Dark Lord deceased and nothing Bellatrix could do in the least, it was now Lucius who presided over The Death Eaters; his responsibilities (not to mention blood pressure) had increased. At first he was terrified, then glad, and then oh, oh so sad. Neither Crabbe nor Goyle nor Avery nor Nott nor MacNair would get out of his hair, it just wasn't fair!

The more stubborn saw his takeover as a joke, they wanted a bird of prey and instead got the yolk! Thanks to Lucius' leadership those loyal to him had been kept out of Azkaban, he expected at least a few fans! But their loyalty was begrudging and fleeting, he knew as much thanks to employing Legilimency at the meetings. They had lost the war and lost badly, there little they could do, sadly.

So Lucius rubbed his forehead, wishing that morning he hadn't even exited the bed. All he could do to maintain his sanity these days was undermine Dumbledore, that hypocritical bore. These days, he chose to use his position on the board of governors to reevaluate what each book within the Hogwarts library was for. But he wasn't entirely unreasonable, he made sure to read a copy of every book before he passed his judgment, it was only thesible.

Today's kindling was more easily flammable tripe, books about the joys of the holiday and being kind to one's fellow man and the like. But among these syrupy novels and picture books was something that made Lucius take a second look. For the thing that truly made Lucius' opinion shift was ironically, that which is associated most with Christmas, a gift. He picked it up, and examined this particular story in all its glory.

" _Doctor…... "Soose?" How obtuse. "How The Grinch Stole Christmas," eh? Well, Draco, I very much doubt this Muggle book will make me feel gay."_

But for the first time in a while, Lucius was surprised, he been absolutely wrong by several thousand miles! Instead of a sneer it was soon replaced with a genuine smile. The plot familiar, the illustrations iconic, the protagonist was relatable, for the first time in a long while he truly enjoyed a fable. It was a veritable godsend after a year of going round the bend.

" _Why, what fun!"_ Lucius thought as he held the finished novel to his chest, feeling as warm and toasty as the sun. _"If only this Grinch fellow was around when I was a boy, to throw the whole Christmas season a foy!"_

Then he got an idea!

 _An awful idea!_

LUCIUS MALFOY HAD A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

 _ **A/N: Be sure to review, instead of gifts, send these to me in lieu!**_


	2. Giddyap!

"I know _just_ what to do!" Lucius laughed in his throat, and with that he exited his study and returned a few minutes later with a traditional Father Christmas hat and a coat. The outfit had been meant for his Draco's grandfather, Cygnus, but he couldn't wear it due to sickness. 

And Lucius chuckled like a hyena, and like one of his white peacocks he clucked;

 _"What a great Grinchy trick! With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick! However, on my own I'm not so sure I cannot steal all the toys. I know, I'll call up the boys!"_

Lucius rolled up his sleeve and pressed his thumb to the dark mark, finally, something to say, not a lark! Putting Draco back in his room and wrapping up his son in a towel, he also whistled for his owl. As he fluffed up his scarlet coat, he dictated a nasty little note towards those for whom he had sent his vote. For he knew this brilliant crime was going to be difficult to pull off, if bungled downright tragic, why not receive some aid from the office of The Minister of Magic? 

It might take his followers a while to show up, they considered him a thief, a charlatan, a non-golden snitch, why not sway their opinion with an actual pitch? There was so much Christmas apparel that day, Lucius was easily able to obtain the sleigh. Takeoff appeared to be clear, everything essential for portraying Father Christmas appeared to be here. But in his gut, Lucius knew he was missing something crucial, but what?

 _"Ah! All I need is a reindeer..."_ Lucius looked around. But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found. And even if he was able to reach into the afterlife with a pair of tongs, he severely doubted he could count on the aid of Prongs. 

But did that stop old Lucius Malfoy? No! Lucius simply said, 

_"I'm shook, I was hoping this part wouldn't be like the book. Well, if I can't find a reindeer, I'LL MAKE ONE INSTEAD!"_

So he called his House-Elf, _"DOBBY! GET HERE NOW, YOU LAZY COW!"_

And Dobby apparated into Lucius' study, as far as The Elf was concerned not even looking like Father Christmas made his master any more cuddly. So Lucius explained his plan so devious, Dobby knew if he pointed out how silly the plan seemed he would be punished he decided to simply nod his head and agree to this. Then he took some red thread, and tied a big horn on the top of his head.

" _My acolytes will love this!"_ Lucius cried out triumphantly. _"At last, a Christmas they will not mind to miss."_

In response to this Dobby shook his head, there were just some days he should have just stayed in bed. 

…

Lucius could not wait to see his friends, he was sure with every move he started trends. But that old Wizard was surprised out of the dozens he had invited to only find… four? Hmmmmmm, he'd hoped there would be more.

The first was a muscular, moustached man with neat-looking hair, this was Voldemort's personal executioner, one Walden MacNair. He had no wife, as he liked to put it, he was married to the knife. Well, that and he was gay, his parents hadn't taken it that well, it was why he wasn't spending the holidays with them that day.

MacNair was nervously whispering to the second man, who of whom Lucius wasn't exactly a fan. This creature was a werewolf named Fenrir Greyback, who like his heart was usually draped in black. Lucius hadn't invited this frightening "dude"; his best guess was when MacNair's mark had burned Greyback had also been there and not taking him would be rude. His frightening image was now somewhat hurt by heart sunglasses and a tacky Hawaiian t-shirt.

The third was the cloaked person Lucius suspected to be the one for whom he had sent the letter, surely someone with so many secrets to keep would want to hide themselves better. She really should have donned a more concealing robe by a smidge, but the garish pink felines on her cardigan betrayed the identity of Dolores Umbridge.

The fourth was one our host had been hoping to see for quite a while, finally, someone among them who made him smile. It was him Lucius had imparted the value of a evil smirk and billowing cape, the one and only Severus Snape.

" _Where IS everyone? I thought we were here to make merry, have us some fun."_ MacNair scowled.

" _I suspect with their family, I'd certainly prefer them then to this manatee._ " Greyback snarled.

Umbridge made a non-human sound because she had lost her ability to speak, it sounded more like a squeak.

" _Why are YOU here, Greyback?"_ Snape scowled. _"There is little you bring to the table that we lack. Since our mystery stranger feels Werewolves are nothing more than danger and I don't conort with your sort, not to feud, but I find it likely that when MacNair's mark burned he had to bring you along so as not to be rude._

" _Enough with the braying, as I was saying-"_ Lucius began.

" _How about we get some lunch? I slept in, didn't get a chance to eat the hotel's brunch."_ MacNair interjected.

" _I could go for that, I'm as hungry as a blood-intolerant bat."_ Snape said.

" _Just as long as no one sees me, I'm fine to travel if it's just you, me, and those three."_ Umbridge agreed matter-of-factly.

" _I've grown tired of Hawaiian food, regarding British cuisine I'm in the mood."_ Greyback agreed, mean little eyes staring down at Snape with a great deal of hate. Lucius had no choice, his guests had all consented, so he relented.

" _Uh - very well, let's warm our palate with a delicious taste and scrumptious smell."_ Lucius sputtered. _"Come, Dobby, let us go to that French Restaurant and perform our rehearsed lobby."_

And so the party of four traveled to _Le_ _Démoniste Discernant_ via flue powder, where today's special was, to Lucius' disgust, Clementine's Cheerful Christmas Chowder. After some idle chatter and a hearty meal (Greyback particularly liked The Veal), Lucius began his pitch to seal the deal. After showing off some blueprints, having Dobby explain his part in levitating the sleigh, and wave around his copy of the book in a spirited explanation, he looked around the room to discover that the expressions of his dining compatriots resembled constipation.

" _What? This is a great plan, I cannot see why it hasn't yet attempted by man!"_ Lucius said desperately, furrowing his brow.

" _For THIS you took me from my vacation?!"_ MacNair choked. _"The Healer's orders were that my job was stressful, I needed some swift relaxation. What you told me fills me with anything but elation! This plan is silly, goofy, and mad, I'd laugh but it isn't even that kind of bad!"_

" _I agree entirely, this is plan is crazy stupid!"_ Greyback spat. _"What's your next master-stroke, Malfoy - ice Cupid?"_

" _Well, Lucius, I too share this grudge, I've certainly sent as many letters about it to Fudge."_ Umbridge fretted. _"Therefore you must understand that I'm on your side about the holiday season, but I'm afraid for why you wish to do this - well, I just can't see the reason. I'm sure I could keep this operation hushed, but to do it now seems illogical, rushed."_

Lucius couldn't believe what he was hearing - they were content to twiddle their thumbs even though Christmas was nearing! But perhaps this peanut gallery could provide a single chestnut, after all, Severus had to come up with a few ideas to undeck the halls. He was even more a cynic, for him the idea of ending Christmas should be a picnic.

" _Lucius,"_ Snape began, _"You know I hold you in the highest regard, to me you are like my older brother, but I although I don't love the season, it's one of the few good times I've ever spent with my mother. I think what MacNair was trying to articulate was that his appetite as a Death Eater would hardly be sate. And from a Under The Dark Lord with Bellatrix leading the charge, we were a powerful, fearsome hoard, compared to the atrocities we used to commit this one by comparison seems tired and bored."_

" _I AM THE DARK LORD, LEST YOU FORGET, SNIVELLUS!"_ Lucius said, feeling his anger began to rise. _"I am the one kept you and MacNair out of jail, much to my regret. And if it wasn't for me Greyback would surely be given The Dementor's Kiss, I'll bet. This is the one time of year for us to do something meaningful, a truly worthy sequel that outshines the prequel!"_

" _Out of jail?" Umbridge asked curiously, a foul smile dancing on her lips. "Well, unless I am compensated for my discretion Cornelius would certainly enjoy that little tale-"_

It gave Lucius great pleasure to curse the person he currently reserved the most scorn and hate; _"Obliviate!"_

And as Umbridge's eyes became unfocused and dreamy, Lucius temper grew all the more steamy.

" _You want to follow that simpleton Bellatrix to Azkaban like lambs to a slaughter, GO AHEAD!"_ Lucius roared, banging his fist on the table, shocking his guests and upending the ladle.

" _I've heard your whispers, you all wanted a maniac like her to lead you, but you got me instead. Tell your brothers and sisters this, If I am not given the respect I deserve, I'll earn it, I have more than enough nerve! I guess take a page from her book, after all, it is deeds that win the day, not words that keep one's enemies at bay. Tell the others this, I promise them and you, tomorrow by half-past two, every Muggle-Born Jackie-Joe to Blood Traitor Curly-Sue will cry boo-hoo-hoo!"_

And with that Lucius dramatically turned on his heel, took his faux reindeer with him, and left his alliance of evil to pay for the meal. Snape, Greyback and MacNair elected Umbridge handle the check, after all, they were respectively a grouchy school-teacher, a second-rate supervillain, and glorified pest control, while she was Senior Undersecretary To The Minister of Magic and therefore better compensated, it was only fair.

As the peculiar party left Snape smirked, mentioning his sister-in-law had driven Lucius berzerk, he had done his job well, Dumbledore's plan had worked.

...

As Lucius and Dobby came out of the green fire, The Elf tread carefully as to avoid his master's ire. Lucius found upon the dining room table a note his wife had wrote;

" _I've taken your advice, me and Draco out with me, the girls, and Draco's little friends, I know you don't like it, but I hope you have a Merry Christmas and an Old Year's End!" - Narcissa_

He couldn't help but smile, dissolving a bit of his rage, for Narcissa was the only one who kept his heart in a cage. Lucius wouldn't be able to steal Christmas from the entire United Kingdom, he feared, but once he had stolen the largest diamond off England's crown, perhaps all the remaining Death Eaters could help bring the other jewels of the diadem down.

So Lucius loaded some bags and some old empty sacks, on his ramshackle sleigh, and he hitched up old Dobby full of passion and purpose, he would show everyone from Severus to Greyback to Dolores to MacNair to his in-laws to the rest of his followers to Abraxas, that he was NOT worthless. He was so much more than pretty boy with a little money and nothing more. As he looked at himself in full makeup and outfit, Lucius Jason Malfoy realized he could do this by shedding his identity, it'd be a cinch.

Now, he was truly THE GRINCH.

Then The Grinch hopped on his sleigh and bellowed, _"GIDDYAP!"_

And as the sleigh flew up to the evening sky like a rocket, poor Dobby, legs moving furiously to keep the sleigh moving, worried that his arms would be ripped from their socket. The Grinch had done his homework, thanks to his charms placed over the reins and The Sleigh there was little evidence of his presence to be found. And so The Grinch soared, laughing maliciously as he did, toward the homes where The Muggles lay a-snooze in their town.

 _ **A/N: So ends part two, if you liked it, please send a review!**_

The identity of the cipher for Cindy Lou-Who I've kept a mystery, perhaps you can figure it out; if you know your wizarding history. I've set up for you a clue to be found in a riddle, pay specific attention to a part right before the middle.

"The color scheme of _How The Grinch Stole Christmas_ , as it was written and it was read, is Black, White, Pink, and Red. Perhaps you think me leaving out the color green makes me a colorblind loon, but look it up, the original Grinch wasn't actually green, that was an invention of the cartoon!"


	3. Dobby's Six Seconds Of Freedom

" _Oh, fudge."_ Lucius sighed, tapping his fingers on his sleigh's side. _"The way this weather is turning out, my beautiful sleigh won't even budge!"_

" _P-p-p-p-p-p-perhaps, m-m-m-m-master,_ " Dobby chattered. _"We should abandon this mission before it turns into a disaster!"_

But did a little sleet and snow keep Lucius from his goal? Ha! I presume you knew the answer if either the book or movie you saw.

" _Oh, ye of little faith, Dobby."_ Lucius scoffed. _"I've brewed a little potion to help us on our way, it's a hobby."_

And from the wicked Death Eater's coat he produced a golden flask. If you're new to Harry Potter and curious about what it contained, you need but ask.

His confidence increased, the foul weather ceased, and his chances improved, Lucius went about as his idol went about hunting the holiday of The Whos.

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air. No one knew he was there. All the Muggles were dreaming sweet dreams without care when he came to the first house on the square.

He and Dobby buzzed menacingly over his first house like a hornet over a hive, located close to a road named Lake Shore Drive.

Lucius was elated, it seemed his greatest opportunity had been handed, whereas the House-Elf was merely glad that they had landed.

"This is stop number one," the old Luciusy Claus hissed, as he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Then he slid down the chimney, a rather tight pinch, but if Santa could do it, then so could this cosplayer of The Grinch.

He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.

Then, he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue, where all the little Muggle stockings hung in a row. _"These stockings,"_ he grinned, _"are the first things to go!"_

" _But wait,"_ Lucius muttered. _"How queer, there appears to be a message here. A-N-T. Ant? The meaning of these letters escape me, if only I owned an African Anagram Plant. Maybe if they were rearranged into Tan? No, of that theory I am not a fan. Nat? Oh, why I am I obsessing over this, I'm going as crazy as a fruit bat!"_

With vested interest yet little care, Lucius levitated the stockings down into the chimney and up into the air.

Starting upon hearing a joyful shriek, Lucius annoyedly stuck his head back up the chimney and bellowed, _"Those aren't socks, you little freak!"_

As Dobby's eyes began to water and his ears began to droop, Lucius returned to his twisted work, wondering if while in this stranger's house he had time to poop.

Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant, around the whole room, and took every present!

Pop Guns!

And bicycles!

Roller skates!

Drums!

Checkerboards!

Tricycles!

Popcorn!

And plums!

And he stuffed them in bags. Then, Lucius, very nimbly, stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbley. Don't start with me, the rhyme originated from the book, go ahead and take a look.

Then he slunk to the icebox.

He took The Muggles' feast!

He took the pudding!

He took the roast beast!

He cleaned out the icebox as quick as The Flash.

Why, he even took their last can of Who-Hash!

" _What a terrible-sounding food; even charity wouldn't take it, the name alone is crude!"_ Lucius griped.

Then he went on to levitate the food up the chimney, thankfully for him it wasn't very windy. All of the sudden with a low howl, his tummy began to growl. Eyeing a plate of cookies, he decided to take on the traits of the original Santa and that night ate the sugar equivalent of three-hundred and ninety-four products produced by the parent company of Fanta.

His stomach silent and his heart full, he patted his stomach, now as wide as a bull. He found it difficult to stand, so he decided to sit. At least, for a little bit.

With one last bit of milk to wash his ill-gotten gains that charlatan Santa did slurp. As he did, his stomach became pleased, so it let out a

" **BURP!"**

"I sure hope no one heard that," Lucius blushed, turning red. "I'd hate to bust a cap in the ass in The Cat In The Hat."

 _ **A/N: I bet you didn't think I'd be back, but here's something I bet you know, in California we get sunburns instead of snow! Send me a review if you please, if you don't want a Sneetch to break your knees.**_


	4. Who Daughter

After a brief food coma after stuffing himself thus, Lucius arose from the armchair, all abuzz. As a sickening smile went on his face he decreed;

"And now," grinned Lucius, "I will stuff up the tree!"

But no matter how hard Lucius tried the chimney he could not wheedle, scattering sap, ornaments, and pine needles.

"Dobby!" cried Lucius. "Don't just sit up there, get down to the lobby! This tree is rather stubborn, as you'd expect of such a sturdy pine, it refuses to be mine."

With a _*crack*_ and a dash, The Elf was there, quick as a flash.

"Master, oh master, how were you planning to do this?" Dobby croaked. "Perhaps we should go back home before we taste failure's kiss."

"I can't believe it - this part worked so well in the book!" Lucius said grumpily. "Well, I suppose it's worth taking another look. Ah, there's the problem, in the source material this chimney is massive! The contractors in Whoville were clearly not passive."

"Perhaps if we did it together?" Dobby suggested. "Then this tree may seem light as a feather."

"Good idea, Dobby!" Lucius cried with a joyful yelp. "That will be a lot of help."

And so Lucius and Dobby grabbed the tree, and as they both started to shove they heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.

Lucius dropped his end of the tree and he turned around fast, and leaving Dobby to be crushed under the mast.

He saw a small little girl not unlike Cindy-Lou Who! It was little Nymphadora Tonks, who was no more than eight plus two.

Tonks had been trying in vain to go to sleep that night, excited as she was, tossing and turning something fierce, but by 2:13 in the morning she decided to give up her fight.

Her plan was to get a tantalizing peek at her presents, maybe consult the TV Guide and see if at this hour she could watch _Miracle On 34th Street_ and stay comfy under her sheets with a pair of warm slippers on her feet.

Tonight her hair was partially pink (though mostly blonde) and her over-large red and black t-shirt depicted the musician Joan Jett, of which she was most fond.

Lucius froze as does headlights do for a fawn, but Tonks was so tired she did little more than pass by, rub her eyes and yawn.

Holy spit, digga dang, jumpin' jack flash, what the duck, Lucius couldn't believe his luck! He had almost been caught by this tiny Who-resembling daughter who'd gotten out of bed for a cup of cold water.

 _Master, maybe she didn't see us,_ Dobby thought, praying that the child had boarded a sleepwalking bus.

 _One can only hope,_ Lucius said via legillimency, and thank goodness he had studied it for all those years or he'd be at the end of his rope.

Thank goodness, she was almost gone, something had almost gone-

"Wotcher, Kris." the child muttered, finishing off her glass of water and rubbing her tired eyes as in the door frame on her way to use the restroom she passed, hoping soon to drift off at last.

As soon as Tonks realized she had seen what she assumed to be the master of Christmas fates, she screeched to a halt and returned, her eyes now as large as dinner plates.

-wrong.

 **Ho ho hope you enjoyed, have a happy holiday and write a review, in addition, be sure to let me know how you think the concept of Santa's workforce would be interpreted by Hermione, the founder of S.P.E.W.**


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